he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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