I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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