Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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