i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
