My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize