I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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