Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
