why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
