I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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