found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
