Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
