i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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