A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
