i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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