Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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