my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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