dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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