omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
