Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
