her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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