youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
