1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The struggles of a small town man whore
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
