she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
