you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
