we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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