i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
