I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
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Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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