I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
