totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
