For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
