You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
