mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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