things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
