Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it's like heaven, but drunker
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
