and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
