she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
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You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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