dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
