Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
