I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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