remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
