the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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