im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
