No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
