hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
