yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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