I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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