Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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