college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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