The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
