I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
