I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
