I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
