They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
