2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
