you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
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Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
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my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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