the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
