i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
im six kinds of drunk right now
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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