I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
